Into the Yard

Have you ever had the comfort of a familiar place come crashing down? It can be heartbreaking and depressing. That's the way I feel about the backyard. Once the proud site of many a party and countless doob sessions it's now in disrepair. Like a forgotten outpost it has been overrun by weeds and decay. Perhaps scientists and explorers in a future age will be able to decipher what happened to the backyard.

Before we even made it out to the backyard we found this. Deodorant in the freezer. There are many theories why it is there. Some plausible, others outrageous. Three things are for sure. One : it's been in there a while. Two : Someone ain't wearing deodorant. Three: That Corona is about to be snatched up by a 'Rican.

This is The Professor. He's thrilled to be on this expedition. Notice the once elegant swing, perhaps for lovers perhaps for cat piss. Many a summer night were spent on that swing during the heyday of chilling. Now it's sagging and withered. Notice the weeds and underbrush rising from the concrete. I needed my Deet Free Off Spray to go back there.

Yikes. A new character has been introduced in this story. "The Puddle." Could be Doe Estrus, could be Feline Urea or it could be stagnant rain water. Either way my ass isn't sitting there without a Hazmat suit. I've seen "The Puddle" before. Briefly last winter when it was frozen over. So you know through the thawing process any impurities have been removed and the fossilized remains of stoners are forever preserved inside of it. Not to mention mosquito larva and the origins of the West Nile Virus in the tri-state area. Notice how comfortably "The Puddle" rests on the bed of grass and poison ivy.

Exhibit B. Unknown remains wrapped in a severely weathered America Flag. Not sure what it is, but it smelled horrible and no one would touch it.

The Professor is back. This time displaying a seemingly well kept BBQ. I admit for something that's never been covered it looks to be in pretty good shape.

Wrong! Ok I was willing to look past the dirty grill and the dilapidated racks and the random pieces of metal inside. But, The Professor pointed out the heat shielding paint, surely of a toxic lead base to be peeling. His summation "Dude, we're fucking eating that shit. When we're cooking, that shits getting in our food."

Lastly the Lost Ark of the backyard. This is the case that holds all the cooking utensils. It's really quite a nice set. Gotten as a comp at Caesar's Palace. However, The Professor probed. Filled with mosquitoes and water it's safe to say we'll probably never use that set again. Damn shame too, the corn holders were spectacular.