Steven Seagal : Rock Star

"Steven Seagal - In the midst of a face melting solo"

I've been inspired. Inspired to learn everything possible about Steven Seagal. And not only will I quench my own thirst for everything Seagal, but I will pass along my findings to you. For instance, this past weekend whilst passing by B.B. Kings we saw this. A schedule for an upcoming show featuring Steven Segal, the guitar player, and his band ThunderBox. My mind has been blown. Finally after years of proclaiming "Steven Seagal Rocks" I have evidence that he really does. So please join me in seeing Steven Seagal and ThunderBox at B.B. King's. At the end of the show Steven Seagal will break your wrist and then sign the cast (Must provide your own sharpie).

Many might not know in addition to acting and aikido, Seagal also plays the guitar, and his songs have been featured in several of his movies (such as Fire Down Below and Ticker). In 2005, he released his first album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, which has a mix of pop, world, and blues music. And apparently it was hugh in France, where Steven Seagal is considered a God. It also features duets with the acclaimed songwriter to the stars Tony Rebel, Recording Legend Lt. Stichie, 1953 Broadway Starlett of the Year Lady Saw, and Stevie Wonder the Blind Guy. One of his album tracks, "Girl It's Alright," was released as a single in parts of the world and has been made into a music video, which was allegedly responsible for four shooting deaths and a castration in Camden, NJ. The soundtrack to Seagal's 2005 film Into the Sun features several songs from the album. It went straight to video.
In 2006, Seagal is set to release a second album, titled Mojo Priest, which will be released in April. In addition, in a move not seen with Songs from the Crystal Cave, Seagal has an extensive U.S. and international tour scheduled as well as a series of shows scheduled in smaller venus to to display his Aikido guitar persona. Seagal explains through telekinesis, "The stage crew set up some tapestries and Persian rugs. We have zen gardens and a natural Bamboo habitat on stage so the audience really feels they're in my retreat."

shortly after this picture was taken, Steven Seagal broke the cameraman's neck and tore Carrot Top's arms off of his body. "I asked him several times not to invade my personal aura boundary" commented Seagal after the incident. This photograph clearly shows Mr. Top taunting Steven.

Vinny Got Game

Put enough monkeys in a room with typewriters they'll come up with Shakespeare eventually. Humans by nature are only as good as the tools we use, and when it comes to using tools to get some poon Vinny is Lord of the Online Pimps.
Since the mid 90's his use of AOL to hunt out poon has destroyed no less 3 computers and got him booted off AOL numerous times. Let me get to the heart of the matter, Vinny is an online whore. He'll answer any instant message, go to any rate my whatever site, and now has established a toe hold on Myspace. Now ladies, don't get offended -- but are you fucking invalids or just really hard up?
He types an instant message like a Parkinson victim on crack (WuZZup, Tru Dat!?!, YeAhH, llloooooooollllll). He puts letters in there that aren't even in English. The point is the women eat it up. I've seen him in action at 3 in the morning, I've seen him in action at 3 in the afternoon. And you know what? There's always some girl on the other end talking to him.
He's not innocent either. He thinks he's really with Melissa Midwest, Raven Riley, Jessica Alba and Jenna Jameson. The level of that stupidity is on a whole different level than current blogging technology can handle.
So he sends his baby messages, leaves incoherent voicemails, and has a four year old's level of grammar. Some call it an addiction, others a shameless exploitation of technology, me I call it an idiot's bliss. Vinny -- he calls it game.

NYC Concert Time

I'm my quest to bring the uninformed some information here is my yearly update of some (mostly) free summer concerts here in NYC.

• Friday, June 2 - 7 p.m. Super Furry Animals South Street Seaport, Pier 17
• Tuesday, June 13 - 7 p.m. Eels with Smoosh World Financial Center Plaza
• Tuesday, June 20 - 7 p.m. Son Volt World Financial Center Plaza
• Tues, July 4 - 3:30 pm Belle and Sebastian Battery Park
• Thurs, July 13 - 7pm Okkervil River Castle Clinton National Monument
• Thurs, July 27 - 7pm The Hold Steady Castle Clinton National Monument in Battery Park
• Fri, July 28 - 7pm Richard Hawley with Nicolai Dunger South Street Seaport, Pier 17
• Fri, Aug 25 - 7 pm Ted Leo + Pharmacists with DC Snipers South Street Seaport, Pier 17
• Sat, July 15 All Day The Siren Music Festival in Coney Island. Lineup TBA.
• Friday, June 30 6:30pm Matt Pond PA at Prospect Park Bandshell

Some OutDoor Movie Screenings :

• August 21Rocky (1976) @ Bryant Park
• Thursday, Jul 6, 2006 8:30 PM The Wizard of Oz @ Brooklyn Bridge Park
• Thursday, Jul 13, 2006 8:30 PM Easy Rider @ Brooklyn Bridge Park
• Thursday, Jul 27, 2006 Pee Wee's Big Adventure @ Brooklyn Bridge Park
• Thursday, Aug 17, 2006 Raiders of the Lost Ark @ Brooklyn Bridge Park
• Thursday, Aug 24, 2006 The Warriors @ Brooklyn Bridge Park
• Hudson River Park Pier 54
  July 19
  The Beastmaster(PG)
  July 26
  Jaws(PG)
  Aug 2
  Cruel Intentions(R)
  Aug 9
  Goldfinger(PG)
  Aug 16
  Goodfellas(R)
  Aug 23
  A Clockwork Orange(R)

Here is my source material of course for those that dont believe me :

• River to River Festival
• Siren Music Fest
• About.com Concerts & Movies.

Foundation and Empire

Ok I have so much I came up to blog about this weekend and so little time. The only thing I can hope is that it will sustain many entries for this week.
Foundation and Empire, the second book in Asimovs triology has finally left my blood stream. The verdict : not as good as the first book in the series. It was very slow in the middle of the book. The ending, which I admit has a twist, seems like it fell short as far as the dramatic impact I felt it could have carried. Now I understand this is the second book in the trilogy so I'm not ready to write the series off yet, but I just hoped it wouldn't have been so disappointing. This was more like a Temple of Doom than an Empire Strikes Back. TFouges says not to worry though that the third book is pretty good. I won't start that for a bit though as I want to take a break from reading sci fi for a while.

As far as a weekend recap, for those curious few who care about the day to day activities of a former honor (cough cough) student. Friday night, blunted with the boys pretty standard shit. Saturday Evan took me to a Beatles brunch for my birthday (belated). It was pretty cool, I wouldn't have seen the band on its own and I wouldn't have went to brunch on its own but together they were a winning combination.
Afterwards we went into a creepy internet cafe in Times Square to kill some time before a movie. Ok, it's wasn't a cafe it was a detaining facility set up like a warehouse for sex offenders. Right in plain view of the entrance was some Eurotrash guy having a cam chat with two girls that looked way too young. Then when we were walking around looking for an empty computer there was some dude just chilling loooking at some snatch.
So we made our way to the movies. I think at this point it's safe to say I don't expect to ever see any good movies in a theater as long as Evan is sitting next to me. This weekend's winner : An American Haunting. Worst Movie Ever. My retinas were in shock. Was it supposed to be a comedy or a horror film? It was so bad when Evan went to the restroom after the movie he walked into the ladies room. Frightened Japanese girls were fleeing with horror in their eyes.


The equivalent of crumbling up ten dollars and throwing it in the gutter----->












<--------My Full review of An American Haunting.






By the time Saturday night came around I was ready to get ill, and ill I would get in Park Slope. Linked up with the ironman Jfogues, and some bench players Riley and Jorgie. I though Jorgie was dead but he isn't. We watched a game and then rallied over to the Gate, where it was a socially fulfilling night of meeting all sorts of sloshed people.


Next book up : The Godfather.

Finally.

A lot of people have been asking me lately how the Tribeca Film Festival has gone, and while I haven't been giving it much thought --as evident by getting stoned and drunk all weekend-- I have decided to present some examples of the triumph in organization that is the Tribeca Film Festival.

Here, in chronological order, are some emails of the festival trying to get their shit together and organize their volunteers. Sadly, we lost a lot of good men due to the lack of organization. Keep in mind the festival started April 26th.

Wednesday April 12

Volunteers,
Please read the letter below. If you haven't already gotten your volunteer assignment, you will within the next week.

Thanks for your interest in the festival.
Best,
Deborah Lupard Volunteer Manager Tribeca Film Festival

Friday April 21

Hello Volunteer!
If you've returned your form to me, then I'm looking forward to meeting you this Saturday, April 22, at your scheduled meeting time at the Tribeca Cinemas, which is located at 54 Varick Street. This is the required Screenings Department orientation session. You will receive your schedule at tomorrow's meeting.


Sunday April 23

I'm sorry for the delay in handing out schedules. The huge attendence at yesterday's meeting made it impossible, because of limitations in both time and space, to hand out schedules individually. And I'm also sorry if you heard conflicting information about how and when schedules will be distributed. Schedules will be emailed out individually by the end of the day tomorrow. (Or you will be called if you've indicated you'd rather not be communicated with by email.) As sending out these to all six-hundred of you is a time-consuming task, I may not be able to address your emails or phone calls questions until Tuesday. Please be patient!
Thanks again, in advance, for everything. I hope you're all gearing to work hard, have fun, and see a lot of movies!
Thanks, Miriam

**At this point it's getting really fucking annoying because they have you jumping through hoops going to meetings (glorified pep rallies) with only a few days before the festival. Oh yeah, and still no fucking schedule of when you're supposed to show up.

Tuesday April 25 **the day before the festival starts**

Hello Screenings Volunteers,
As some of you may know, I have been working all through the night, and all through the weekend, in order to individually send to you and then work out your schedule for the festival (which begins public screenings tomorrow.) And, not surprisingly, I've fallen ill with a cold. I continue to work on getting out your schedules, though, and of working out any very immediate conflicts you may have. If you haven't heard from me yet, be sure that you will very soon.

**yeah still no fucking schedule.

Here's a schedule they emailed me of when the hip and awesome, place to collect your thoughts in the midst of a hectic film festival, lounge will be open.

Lounge Hours:
Saturday: 3:30pm -- 5:00pm
Sunday: LOUNGE CLOSED
Monday: 10:00am -- 5:00pm
Tuesday: 10:00am -- 5:00pm
Wednesday: 10:00am -- 5:00pm
Thursday: 10:00am -- 2:00pm
Friday: LOUNGE CLOSED
Saturday: LOUNGE CLOSED
Sunday: LOUNGE CLOSED

talk about shitty hours.

Sunday April 30th *things get desperate.

If you are not yet scheduled to work as much as you'd like, then at this point it is a grave oversight for which I apologize. Please contact me right way. Because of the number of cancellations we've experienced, I now feel comfortable overscheduling for every shift, and we continue to be short during most dayime shifts, so I can and would like to schedule you for almost any shift you've like to work

Morale of this story. They totally fucked up a good thing. They spoiled a wet dream. They took something I (and I'm sure many others) was gung ho about and basically aborted it with a hanger in their Tia Marie's bathtub.

Moving to more current events. This weekend took it easy relaxed decided to stay in Friday night. That was until James instant messaged me at like 2am wanting to meet up to smoke a blunt. So like the waste I am I gave him some words of encouragement "the difficult things we do, the impossible take a little bit longer." A half hour later we were roaming the streets getting high. Stopped off at the Space Station (the gas station) and were on our merry way.

Saturday, all psyched to go play some softball. Get to prospect park and it's over run by little league fuckers. Yeah like if you really need social validation and lack structure at 9 years old you're destined to fail you little shits. So suck it in, and get the fuck off the diamonds so the elders can play. The worst part is you can't even bully them because they have permits. Fucking permits.
Afterwards met up with some peeps and watched the Lakers get shat on. Went to PJ Hanleys and basked in the Kareoke experience. There were a few hot girls there. Hot until they opened their mouths. Banshee shrills to the stop the face on a clock. Afterwards me and Fogues did a tag team Towers of Power pub crawl on Court and Smith streets. Hi I'm Troy McClure and you may remember me from such bars as Adeline, Zombie Lounge, Ceol and the Brazen Head. Thanks unknown black dude from B'Hurts that bought us some shots.
Amazingly, not much of a hangover on Sunday morning.