Worst Movies Ever # 1 A Love Song For Bobby Long

Ever have your face beaten with a mallet while you watch ninjas murder your fellow villagers and burn down your home? Well me either but I've come pretty damn close while Watching A Love Song For Bobby Long (who's working title by the way was Yawn). My main reason for seeing this movie was Scarlett Johansson, but even she could not assuage the feeling of being slowly buried alive that this film imposes on the viewer. I knew something was fishy when the clerk at the video store said "I hope you're a Travolta fan." Well I'm not, so I should have backed away from the counter, but silly me I went through with it (like the time I rode the Scream Machine high on mescaline and crank).

Acting (and I use the term loosely) is non existent in this movie. Moments of levity are serious (because they are the opposite of funny) and moments of seriousness are downright laughable. Scenes where Travolta and Johansson fight are contrived and often humorous as Travolta tries his hardest to portray a drunken southerner. The plot is thin and the big surprise of the movie is easily figured out in the first twenty minutes--rendering the ending anti climatic and predictably weak. This movie has erectile dysfunction and even a potentially good cast appeared to be lulled into a coma by it's poor pacing and shitty retread of a plot (did I mention that already? Yawn). For die hard Travolta fans you get to see his bloated carcass dance once again and see him wallow in self pity on a bathroom floor in his tighty whities. Oh and he plays a weepy blues guitar and sings songs of the South and love lost. Did I mention that? Like driving through Chernobyl on a motorcycle, avoid this movie at all costs.